


Insufficient Apologies

by jolly



Series: Insufficient Apologies [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Queer-Platonic Relationship, Starfleet Academy, complicated feelings, i dont want to call it hurt/comfort because there isnt really any comfort oops, qpr, technically no romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 17:05:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7942321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jolly/pseuds/jolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of college AU, except it's Starfleet Academy.<br/>After two years of being in a QPR with Bones, Jim felt he needed to break it off. He knows he did the right thing, but still they're both upset about it. Consumed by guilt, but not ready to see Bones again, Jim approaches Bones's best friend and roommate, Christine, to check up on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insufficient Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I normally wouldn't write about breakups, but I'm dealing with some emotions myself that I needed an outlet for. It's kind of rough (translation: bad) but I just had to write it.  
> Regarding my other pending fics, I've got a star trek AU on the way in honor of the 50th anniversary of TOS, and the next chapter of TMoE will be done soon after that.  
> Enjoy!

There was one minute left until the end of the lecture. Jim shifted apprehensively from foot to foot, hugging his backpack to his chest, hoping it might warm him up a bit more. Despite the puffy coat and thick scarf he wore over his Academy uniform, Jim couldn't keep his teeth from chattering. It might've been due to the fact that he was sweating under his layers. Not that he was too hot. Maybe he was sick? He felt sick.

Nursing students began trickling out of the classroom, bundled up against the winter like big marshmallows with legs. Jim's eyes flicked over them, his gaze finally locking on an tall platinum-blonde hairdo. "Chris!" He called, but she didn't look up from her mini-PADD. Probably had her earbuds in. Jim hesitated, wondering if it was worth bothering her, but he jogged up to her anyway. "Christine!" He tried again, louder this time. Her head whipped around, startled, displacing a few strands of her swirled-up hair.

"God, Jim, you scared me." Christine sighed heavily before moving to the side of the corridor to talk to him. She looked him over, raising an eyebrow. "How long have you been standing out here? You look like Rudolf."

Jim breathed out a little chuckle. "I think I might be coming down with something." He sniffed for emphasis.

Christine shook her head, lips quirking up. "Of course you couldn't have messaged me to meet you somewhere with atmosphere regulation."

He shrugged, adjusting the weight of the bag in his arms. "Um, Chris... I wanted to ask about Bones."

Christine's expression became carefully blank. Jim bit his lip hard, averting his eyes. It was too late to run away now. He wasted a few seconds lining up his boots with the floor tiles. Chris stood still and silent, waiting. He really didn't want to do this, but he knew it would bother him if he didn't. After such a long time worrying about Bones's happiness, Jim couldn't just stop caring.

"I've seen him around the campus, like, with you and Geoff and some others. He's been acting pretty normal, but I just wanted to make sure..." He trailed off, eyes flicking up to meet Christine's neutral gaze for a second before looking aside again. "Is he doing okay?" Jim finished the sentence quietly, afraid of her response.

Chris sucked her teeth, jutting out her hip. He could feel her rolling her eyes. "Really, Jim? What do you think?" Compared to before, her tone now was knife-like.

Jim chewed his cheeks nervously and shrugged again, not having anything to say.

"Well he's a little upset, you know, since you dumped him." 

He flinched at the hard emphasis in her words, sinking deeper into his scarf. "I didn't dump him, exactly," he defended pathetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Ugh, Jim. You idiot. People aren't just fine after being broken up with. He's started drinking more, skips class to sulk in bed all day. He jokes around like usual just so nobody can see how upset he is. You know him- what were you expecting? Honestly!" Christine shook her head, exasperated.

Jim clenched his jaw, unsuccessfully trying to control the anger bubbling up in his throat. "Well, I'm sorry, Christine! I didn't know what to expect after being avoided for over a month! He spends so much time with his boyfriend- I mean, I was really okay with him dating Spock. Fuck if they're not perfect for each other. I've seen how happy they are. But, Chris," he took a deep breath, blinking fast. "Just because our relationship was platonic doesn't mean it's less important. He promised me he still loved me, he said he still cared and that I was equally important to him. He lied to me, Christine!"

Christine didn't reply, only pressed her lips together. Somehow, it made Jim angrier.

"Did he think I wouldn't notice he didn't want to hang out anymore? I always tried so hard to be enough for him, I always worried this would happen. If anyone would notice he wasn't happy with me, I would! And I did, Christine! Do you know what he said when I made him tell me the truth? Do you?"

She exhaled softly. "No, what?"

"He said that he felt like he 'doesn't know me anymore.' What does that even mean? I haven't changed, have I? I guess I was just eclipsed by his incredible boyfriend. I can't compare to that kind of bond. And I had enough, okay? I'm done. I deserve to be in a QPR with someone who wants to be with me. I won't live the rest of my life being second best in my closest relationship. He didn't want to be with me, I didn't want to be neglected, so I broke up with him. For both of us. Clearly he didn't want to be the one to do it. Go ahead and blame me, at least he doesn't need to worry about me lurking around in his life anymore."

Christine offered him a sympathetic smile. "Maybe, Jim, but after being with you for so long, letting go wasn't easy for him. He was kind of angry before, but now he's just, you know, wallowing in his depression. I know you still care about him-"

"You know what, Chris," he cut her off, not feeling up to the rest of the conversation. There was acid in his throat, and he didn't want to cry here. "Just be there for him, okay? Take care of him for me. Help him, uh," his voice wavered. "Help him get over it."

She touched his arm gently. "Okay, Jim, okay. I will."

He took a shaky breath, nodding. "Thanks."

"You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. See ya, Chris." He sniffed and swiped a hand across his eyes before turning on his heel and trudging to the cafe for a large hot chocolate to calm him down. 


End file.
